it was already 4:30 when i realized that i do not have enough money to commute. i am drowning in debts already so i resorted to adventure and attempted to do the 1-2-3. the jeep was already near the Children's hospital when i decided to pay for my jeepney ride. di kinaya ng konsensya ko. HAHA. i have no problem with the mrt because i still have an svt.
Speaker: *beep* Ortigas Avenue Station, Ortigas Avenue Station. Please do not block the doorway for entering and leaving passengers, thank you. Huwag po lamang harangan ang pintuan para sa sumasakay at bumababang pasahero. Maraming salamat po. Next station, Shaw Boulevard station. *beep*
Manong na nakaupo: ...blahblah...(he and his friend is talking about celebrities and bad things about them)...di ba si Money mag-aaral daw sa Ateneo
Manang na nakaupo: nako, e bobo yun e. di naman uubra kung puro pera lang sya.
Manong: kelangan mo rin talaga ng madaming pera dun e. tignan mo ang UP, mayayaman na rin yung mga nag-aaral dun pero matatalino talaga...
*LONG PAUSE*
Interlude: i was saddened by manong's words
Manong: pero karamihan dun mga di masyadong may pera, pero talagang mga scholar, matatalino talaga
Manang: oo nga mga honor students nag-aaral dun, yung mga kakilala ko ngang mga valedictorian halos dun na nag-aaral
*i fell asleep while standing and leaning on the car junction foam*

how did i make it home with only 15pesos? i did the 1-2-3 on an ordinary bus, luckily, the conductor is still an amateur. 
#

my eyes are still infected. i hate it when my eyes get infected. the infection lasts for almost a week, but i hope and pray that they would be back to normal soon.
#

saddest thing: if someone* do not lend us money and send it tomorrow morning, i may not be able to go to school tomorrow. :'(

*someone= family friend or relative

OO NGA PALA. Ipinagdiriwang pala natin ngayon ang ika-isandaan at sampung taon ng pagiging malaya ng Pilipinas mula sa mga puñetang Kastila. Muntik ko na namang makalimutan dahil sa holiday economics na pauso ng ating kasalukuyang pamahalaan. At dahil nga ang UP ay ang katangi-tanging pambansang unibersidad pang-estado (tama ba? basta alam nyo na yun) at pinapatakbo ito ng pamahalaan, naki-uso na rin sila sa long weekend at pati ang araw ng pasok sa pamantasan ay nakakapanibago. At tulad ng mga nakaraang mga pambansang pagdiriwang na inusog sa pinakamalapit na weekend, umuugong na naman ang mga batikos ng mga makabayan at nagsasabing hindi na iginalang ng pamahalaan ang mga mahahalagang araw na pawang malalaking bahagi ng kasaysayan ng ating bansa. Kahit papaano, sumasang-ayon ako sa kanila. May bahid din naman kasi ako ng pagiging makabayan. Palibhasa'y malapit ako sa aming punongguro sa paaralan kong sekundarya at madalas nya akong nakukumbinsi na ako ay isang Pilipino. Bagaman palagi kong sinasabi na sobrang init sa Pinas at mas marami pang magagandang paaralang medisina sa ibang bansa, hindi ko ninais umalis ng bansa kahit na makapagtapos na ako sa pag-aaral. Ewan ko, sa ngayon oo, pero depende pa rin siguro sa sitwasyon. Madalas man akong magalit sa mga kababayan kong walang disiplina, iniisip ko na lamang na ito nga'y dinala lamang ng banyaga sa atin--isang pamanang hindi natin ninais makuha ngunit nanatiling mantsa sa maraming Pinoy hanggang ngayon. Bigyan mo man ako ng listahan ng sangkatutak na dahilan para umayaw ako sa pagiging Pilipino, mas hihigitan ko pa yan at sasabihin ko sa iyong tinatamad ako masyado para umayaw, mainit kasi sa tropical country e, mamaya na lang. (Di ko gagayahin si John Lloyd, di naman siya imported e)

Sa araw-araw kong nagpapabalik-balik sa Laguna at Lunsod ng Quezon (dahil mahal na mahal ako ng mga magulang ko at hindi nila nais na ako ay mawalay sa kanilang piling), imposibleng hindi ko makita yung sangkatutak na nakakalat sa EDSA at sa kung saan-saan pa, hanggang sa loob ng campus ay meron, at siguro nag sasawa na rin kayo dun sa mga poster ng may bandila natin at may nakalagay: "Pilipinas kong Mahal". Oo, sinabi pa sa akin yan nang isa kong kamag-aral, at kahit tignan nyo pa. May dilaw na salungguhit ang salitang Mahal. Nung sinabi niya ito sa akin, ako ay napaisip. Ano kaya ang nais iparating ng gumawa nito at may salungguhit ang salitang ito? Nais ba niyang bigyan lamang ng emfasis ang salitang ito? o nang-aasar ba siya? Tulad nang alam nating lahat at damang-dama hanggang sa kuyukot ng mga kaluluwa natin, lahat na ngayon sa Pilipinas ay nagmamahal (hindi loving). Magmula sa pagkain, pamasahe, at tila hindi magtatapos ang listahan kung iisa-isahin natin. Mahal. Yung ex ni Jimboy. Ginamit. O diba may napala yung gumamit. Maliit. Pero sikat. Kaso saglit lang sumikat e. E ngayon? pa-extra extra na lang. Sayang naman. May talento naman. Kaya naman e. tsk tsk tsk... PILIPINAS KONG MAHAL.

Maghamunan na lang tayo. Ano, papalag ka? Hanggang hamon lang naman tayo e. Tsaka babala. "Hindi pa huli ang lahat". E kelan ka kikilos, kapag huli na ang lahat? Wag na lang. Mahilig ka naman sa huli e. Da Pilipino Taym. Buti walang ganoong pahayagan, ano? Kundi mga balitang huli na yung ilalabas doon. At puro mga tsismis ng mga bading na kolumnista tungkol sa mga artista. Hindi ka ba nahihiya? O sobra-sobra na yung kahihiyang nararanasan mo at di mo na  lamang inaalintana? Kaya di na ako madalas nagrereak e. Pero sinusubukan ko, sinusubukan ko talaga sa abot ng aking makakaya na magkaroon ng ipagmamalaki bilang Pilipino.

Ikaw? Mahal mo ba ang Pilipinas? Bakit di mo ligawan? Tiyagaan lang yang mga pare, konting sikap lamang sigarudong mabibihag mo ang puso niya. Para namang di ka dito pinanganak. Huling-huli mo na nga ang kiliti niya e.

Ang pinakamalaking tanong na wala pang makakasagot sa ngayon kahit na mag-aral ka ng mga pormula ng redusyon para sa baha-bahaging integrasyon o ng sistematiks at taksonomi:
Malaya na ba talaga ang Pilipinas?

i am having an asthma attack (caused by secondhand smoking and fatigue). i still have muscle pains (which i got from playing four consecutive games last friday and the bad thing is we lost). we don't have anything on our table to fill our stomachs. and there's a possibility that i stop schooling this sem/year.

why is that so? i am sacrificing my time, effort and even my health just to do things that are supposed to help me and my family. i am always knocking on His doors, spending more than enough ang praying that things just get better already. i never felt this self-pitied before. i know that this is just something that i must get over with. but what if i don't? i've almost run out of strength. i used to laugh and smile at my problems but this time it won't work. i am trying very hard just to keep myself together. i don't feel any warmth. i don't see any spark. but i still don't lose hope. the fact that God is always watching me and that i've got friends around me keeps me from giving up.

i just pray that things get better already. i can hardly breathe, literally and figuratively. and i also hope that people refrain from smoking soon.

If you’d ask me what of the major branches of science my favorite is I would really want to answer you “Biology.” I always excel in Biology when I was in high school. BS Biology was even the first course that I thought of taking up in college. But the UP had failed me. They define Biology as the study of life that deprives the chance of living from living things that tries to study it here. So let me think again…

My first chemistry class gave me a bad impression. The laboratory class was very nice and I like the way how my instructor enthusiastically and clearly discussed things needed to be taught and learned in the lab. But my lecture class was the exact opposite. Our professor was absent on the first day of classes. He was absent most of the semester. He would only attend the class two meetings before the long exam and would give us some out-of-this-world problem set and would call a random person in the class to answer a question on the board and explain how you got the final answer (which he, himself did not bother to explain). Or he would come to class discussing stuff that mere general chemistry students won’t comprehend easily, like the Clausius-Clapeyron equation that no one has ever heard of and should never hear about in Chem16, or even in Chem26 and Chem31. And then one day, we just heard a rumor that our lec professor thought that every student in his class is an Oblation Scholar. Oh great. I just hoped so. We all survived the 5-unit subject by self-studying.

Oh, and before I forget, my first laboratory instructor is really great. He would always give bonuses in every experiment; he never gave us a single quiz and every problem set is a take-home. He would even clear things up in the lecture if we don’t understand them. And he always have this friend, a girl lab instructor who also wears a pink lab gown (which matches her cheeks), go in our lab class and ask him a few questions about some higher chemistry class and they would also do the three-dimensional loser sign and turn it either clockwise or counter-clockwise and draw some thunder-looking signs on the board and put some H’s and OH’s on them. I always wondered about what chem class is that. I find it really cool. I thought that maybe every person in that chem group is awesome. When I found out that he belongs to the Organic Chemistry group I became very eager to take up organic chemistry immediately.

I was not mistaken. Organic chemistry people are cool, they are very friendly and approachable, they have great personalities, they look great and they have tantalizing eyes. I started to become very interested in chemistry when we started to talk about the organic part. Before, no one can ever convince me that chemistry is the central science, I even remember arguing with Sir Gino about that, but learning about the liquid crystals, the different functional groups, carbohydrates and lipids, amino acids and other carbon-related stuff made me love chemistry and even made me think of transferring to UP Manila and shifting in to BS Biochemistry, but having known that my course was once a program offered by the IC satisfied me.

Taking up advanced units in summer sounds so heroic. Studying when you do not have to is nothing but geekiness. But on second thought, taking up summer classes is a very nice way of escaping boredom. I guess I made a very good decision keeping myself busy with carbons and carcinogens rather than bumming at home doing nothing boringly. At least I always have the chance of appreciating a cancer-free life knowing that I am a very lucky person because developing cancer is very rare. It’s not everyday that benzenes can have contact with your DNAs, unwinding them and inducing cancer. Come to think of it, why dare fate and ask for an incurable disease if you can just enjoy a very long life that can only be shortened by second-hand smoking and self-abuse? Remember this, in this world, coincidence doesn’t exist, there is only the inevitable. Yeah, right. It is part of my curriculum.

Chemistry is everywhere. There is not a millisecond that you can escape from chemistry. You are chemistry. Everything around you is chemistry. You must make use of chemistry for your own convenience. Remember, with great number of carbons comes… *insert something with sense and humorous here. I feel like a superhero. I feel that everybody else feels like a superhero (well, not because we are all taking up summer classes). Being equipped with all this knowledge—the secrets behind almost everything that happens—gives me the thrill that I am being challenged to use this to improve, to develop, to enhance, to change, and to react. Being a chemist is no joke, I really can’t keep myself sane if I know that a random atom present in a random place may undergo diazotization and coupling reactions, synthesizing synthetic dyes. Doesn’t that make the world any more colorful? The consciousness that most of the gadgets I use nowadays is accompanied by liquid crystals could disturb my semi-normal lifestyle and bother with the relationship of temperature to the pitch or helical angle of the chiral nematic liquid crystal and the wavelength of the light as a different color is being displayed. Do these things make any sense to you? Do you care? If no, why not? If yes, explain your answer. They should, for Virchow’s sake! You don’t and cannot know yourself if you don’t know your chemistry. Your life does not count if you are ignorant of these things. I hope that you won’t ever regret that one day Chemistry will rule the world and you will be left out. (Actually, chemistry already is. And you are really left out if you are not aware of this.)

Giving a name is never fun. You should know your priorities. You should consider a lot of things—numbers, bonds, positions, and functional groups. Learning the organic chemical nomenclature changed my life. I now always think very well before giving a name. By the way, I just named my new dog “cyclohex-1,3,5-triene”, or “Benzene” for short. And every time I see or hear ads, line bond structures pop out of my mind. It just makes me feel cool and sick at the same time. Cool because I already know how your nasal decongestant looks like in line bond formula and that it is composed of a benzene ring attached to a three-carbon alcohol with an amine group. And the whole thing makes me feel sick… or maybe not. Because being sick would just make me feel worse if you tell me the generic name of the drug that I need to take.

This summer, organic chemistry made me realize and learn a lot of things: The three-dimensional loser sign if not put on the forehead and turned counterclockwise facing you is an S configuration, and if turned clockwise, it is an R configuration of the chiral carbon. The thunder-looking sign with H’s and OH’s is the most stable configuration that a cyclohexane or any pyranose can ever have. Line bond formulas can be so convenient that it can make your score in a long exam lower due to misunderstandings. Sleeping is a no-no, you should always drink coffee and be caffeine-dependent if you want to pass your class, but beware of palpitations. Coffee is your best friend, but it can possibly kill you. Condensers are very prone to breaking, so never let cross-registrants touch them. Some cross-registrants are dangerous to your health (physically, mentally, socially, emotionally, and academically speaking). It is easy to save endangered animals—just buy a Jungle Juice and don’t forget to read the facts printed at the back of the tetra pack. It is also a good monay match. Formal reports can be written overnight. Coffee shops are good places for review. West Fairview is not so far from UP. Stomata is not equal to stigmata, only sometimes. Racism is bad, very bad. Jolina can drive a car. Filipino chemistry books are a laugh trip—reading them is just like reading Bob Ong’s books. Organic chemistry is a very good entrepreneurial course—you can easily synthesize pure silver by using Tollen’s reagent on an aldehyde; you can produce synthetic dyes, soaps and food flavorings in the lab; and the most exciting part is that you can deduce how to synthesize methamphetamine and produce them massively and sell them to everyone who uses it.  And organic chemistry laboratory instructors are lovely; they share their love life and other[s’] stories with their students. They can also ask for a free basket of Mojos™ and a very big pizza at the same time.

Surprisingly (or not), the best reaction I ever had in organic chemistry did not occur in any nucleophilic or electrophilic addition or substitution mechanisms. It did not form any carbocation, carbanion, or pentavalent intermediates or transition states. It did not require optimal conditions in pH, temperature and pressure nor special lab techniques and set-ups. Those whom I reacted with don’t sound even a little organic—I need not to count carbons, prioritize functional groups, and consider bonds. We just activated ourselves, needless of EDGs and EWGs, and formed more than four bonds without having charges and became unnumbered substituents in an infinitely sized parent chain called friendship. And guess what our reaction solution is. It’s Chem31.1.

hello LJ.

we ate lunch at kenneth's canteen less than half an hour and stayed for more than an hour talking about random stuff.
IT IS OVER. it rings endlessly in my ears since saturday. i really had a hard time studying for the second lecture exam and it felt like my brain cells were in limbo. oh well, at last(?), i am done with susan and her tantalizing eyes *evil laugh*. FR, paper, lab exam. three days left for organic chem. hello, 3-week break.

we left nismed singing the SM theme song and i immediately took a jeepney to pantranco. noni and abi and peach and jo went to CSLAB and epi did something in AS before he left UP. i sat near the babaan of the jeep and stared blankly at the open space where the jeep was milliseconds ago. it felt like i was the only one riding the jeepney and i really got EMO, man, EMO. i was imagining myself in a train station shot by a random person and died... and i thought "i didn't even had the chance to see my grade in chem31!!!" and i wondered what would be people doing, how would they react once they knew i am already dead, and how would people remember me? haha.

as i was coming back to reality, i saw something familiar, a Nissan Safari, with the plate number UAA 118(tama ba?), it's epi!! hahaha. diko tuloy alam kung nakita nyakong nakatulala sa kawalan at kung mukha talagang ganon yung iniisip ko. :)) haha.

yay! i feel like my head is spinning more than 360°.